There are no two ways around it - everybody in the world thinks you need to give a fuck about their problems. Don't have the time and energy for that? Then you're in luck! CARES2GIVE creates premium handcrafted products that'll make your daily social interactions easy, fast and low maintenance.

Purple Heartwood

Price $10,000

The purple heartwood fucks to give are the rarest of all. In fact, there are only ten in all of existence. The beautiful purple grain of the Brazilian purple heartwood tree is capable of producing such awe in the recipient that they may waste the five minutes you are giving them simply admiring the grandeur of the Maserati MC 12 of fucks, which you have so generously gifted. After years of intense scientific research and rigorous testing, we can safely hypothesize that the giving of this fuck grants you the powers to shift reality, develop six pack abs, make you at least 30% more attractive, and increase your net worth by half! Beware the power you will wield by virtue of owning this legendary weapon of fuckery, for its potency is potentially infinite.